Q: Right now our family of five is sharing one family computer, but my kids are really after me that they NEED to have their own computers.  I will 100 percent admit that there' s a major time overlap for each child trying to get their work done on the one that we all share. Also that they're right, we need to add at least one more computer (if not more) to the family. But I'm afraid that I'll lose control of what they are doing out in cyberworld by getting them each a computer that they have unlimited access to. How do I provide them the availability needed, but still control how they use it?

A: Your question is one that most families in this century are struggling with.  It used to be"the internet predator" that we had to warn our children about. So we rushed and put  parental locks on our programs and felt that they were safe.  But the face of social media has vastly changed.  Kids are creating classroom blogs in kindergarten, e-mailing in 5th grade, getting their own Facebook pages in junior  high and so on and so on.

The basics of online protection for our kids that we have heard for years are still true and helpful:

• Keep the computers out of their bedrooms and in public rooms of your home.
• Disable web cams.
• Set parental controls.
• Don't give parental permission for them to join chat rooms.

But even if you are the best parent in the world, and do "all the right things," the kids may still find a way to go on Youtube, e-mail their friends, and set up Facebook and Twitter accounts. Most of this is harmless social interaction and it reflects the current communication and information style of the times, but there's a growing occurrence of negative choices being made with this much exposure to the world of information. What we really need to do as parents is to start protecting our children not from the information, but from their own social media selves.

Your child may be just like the majority of kids that would never throw a punch on the playground or say mean things to a classmate's face. But, many kids today will look at Youtube video or Facebook status, then feel that it's OK to post a negative or threatening comment on it and that there are no consequences for their statements. They are just a nameless commentor  and that they are safe. But this is just as wrong as the mean kid on the playground.  It is still bullying.

Social bullying is a big problem and has been on a rapid rise over the past few years.  Every month in the United States we are losing several kids to suicide as victims of social bullying.  Although kids that fall into categories of obese, gay or living with a disability are 63 percent more likely to be bullied online, it's not limited to these groups.  Currently one out of three teens have been involved in some type of social media bullying.  Regardless of if they're the victim or the bully, this epidemic needs to stop.

I don't have the answer on how to make it stop, nor would I pretend to be the expert.  But I do have some suggestions that you might try to keep your kids out of this. 

• Before the kids are given their computers, have real discussions with them about positive choices and consequences for their actions. 
• Use examples of some things that kids are doing that can be painful to other kids. Ask them how they would feel if this happened to them. 
• Clearly let them know what your expectations are of them.
• Limit their online access time. (We always got into less trouble with a curfue, then we did without one as kids right?)
• If they feel that they are a victim, help find them support. For example: Facebook has an application called Find Help that will do just that.

Hopefully you will find that the additional computers will be a worthwhile and positive experience for your family.  But always know that as the parent/adult, you have the power to pull the plug and hit delete.